{"id":992,"date":"2023-03-12T00:59:36","date_gmt":"2023-03-12T00:59:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bookhoundediting.com\/?p=992"},"modified":"2025-01-25T22:35:10","modified_gmt":"2025-01-25T22:35:10","slug":"make-every-word-count-cut-dead-weight-from-your-novel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bookhoundediting.com\/index.php\/2023\/03\/12\/make-every-word-count-cut-dead-weight-from-your-novel\/","title":{"rendered":"Make Every Word Count: Cut dead weight from your novel like a line editor"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Some words and phrases automatically trigger an editor to stop and evaluate their usefulness, and some simply scream, \u201cRemove me! Remove me!\u201d Cutting dead weight can be the difference between a book that engages readers and keeps them up late reading and a book that has an appealing premise but lacks staying power. Make every word count. At some point in your revision process, think like a line editor and evaluate the effectiveness of these trigger words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Filter words<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Filter words increase the narrative distance between the reader and the viewpoint character, reminding us that what we\u2019re reading is being told by someone rather than experienced, or shown, through the eyes of that viewpoint character. Examples include <em>noticed<\/em>, <em>heard,<\/em> <em>saw<\/em>, <em>realized<\/em>, <em>felt<\/em>, <em>thought<\/em>, <em>wondered<\/em>, <em>knew<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sometimes these words are necessary; other times, they distract the reader from the actions that are observable by the viewpoint character. Do you want the focus to be on what is happening in the story, or do you want the focus on the fact that the viewpoint character is observing it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>She heard him stomp up the stairs in his boots.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">vs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>He stomped up the stairs in his boots.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Adverbs<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When you see writing advice telling you to cut adverbs, it\u2019s usually the <em>manner<\/em> adverbs that are the problem, particularly the ones that end in &#8211;<em>ly <\/em>and especially if they are attached to dialogue tags. Used purposefully and in moderation, adverbs and adverbial phrases can bring clarity. However, they can weigh down a sentence if they tell readers what\u2019s already known from dialogue and are therefore redundant or if the existing verb is perfect as it stands and needs no modification.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Adverbs are also frequently a shortcut to telling readers how a character is feeling instead of showing that emotion and allowing readers to draw their own conclusions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201cDon\u2019t even think about it,\u201d she said sternly.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">vs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201cDon\u2019t even think about it,\u201d she said.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The dialogue doesn\u2019t need the adverb. Usually, when it comes to dialogue tags, good dialogue doesn\u2019t need an adverb, and if the dialogue needs help, an adverb won\u2019t help it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The key to keep in mind with adverbs is that they should modify\u2014as in change. If an adverb is not changing the word it is modifying, if it is only intensifying, then it is likely unnecessary and can be cut. And it doesn\u2019t hurt to try exchanging a verb-adverb pair for a stronger verb to see if you like the results.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>She walked slowly into the store just as her shift started.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">vs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>She shuffled into the store just as her shift started.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Tentative language<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Characters who seem or appear to be doing or feeling something\u2014probably, maybe, perhaps\u2014convey an uncertain narrative. It can flatten tension and distance the reader from the viewpoint character. Tentative language often creeps in because an author needs to show another character\u2019s perspective but wants to avoid head-hopping. It\u2019s not a good solution though.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>He looked up when she entered his office and slammed the door. She seemed mad, probably because of the canceled meeting.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">vs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>He looked up when she entered his office and slammed the door. She didn\u2019t speak right away, just crossed her arms, breathing hard, but her glare spoke volumes.<\/em> <em>He held up a hand. \u201cI have no control over the client\u2019s schedule.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Now we know she\u2019s mad because of what the viewpoint character is observing, and we know what he is thinking because of what he says in response to her obvious anger. Using body language is just one way to avoid head-hopping as well as the tentative language, and it shows rather than tells.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Of course, there are times when tentative language is exactly what\u2019s required because the character is guessing or pondering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Timeline nudges<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When the order of characters\u2019 movements is told with timeline nudges\u2014words like <em>before<\/em>, <em>then<\/em>, <em>after<\/em>, <em>suddenly<\/em>, and <em>when<\/em>\u2014there\u2019s a risk that readers will focus on timeline rather than story. There are times when that emphasis is beneficial, and there are times when it is a distraction that can reduce engagement and dumb down the writing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Readers are very good at tacitly interpreting the timeline of a series of actions with nothing more than the sentence organization itself and the appropriate use of commas and conjunctions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Before putting the lid on his cup, he stirred cream and sugar into his coffee.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">vs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>He stirred cream and sugar into his coffee and put the lid on his cup.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Intention to act<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When an author tells us that a <em>non<\/em>-viewpoint character is doing something <em>in order to<\/em> do something else, or <em>to<\/em> do something else, that\u2019s a viewpoint drop that pulls the reader away from the viewpoint character\u2019s experience and impedes our investment in them. It\u2019s a form of telling and sometimes a form of overwriting. Prose that focuses on observable and audible action, rather than intention, is more immersive. If the showing of the action or dialogue is done well, the reader will be able to interpret the intention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In the case of viewpoint characters, sometimes telling the intention to act leaves them never actually carrying out the action. It\u2019s always worth considering whether intention or action is the goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This concept also applies to phrasing such as <em>began to<\/em> or <em>started to<\/em>. Unless the beginning of an action needs to be emphasized, it\u2019s usually best to just say what the character did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Present participle <em>-ing<\/em><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is a perfectly acceptable grammatical tool to use when shaping a sentence. If you\u2019re using it as a tool and not as a crutch. The two most common problems with the <em>-ing<\/em> construction are that it frequently attaches itself to nouns it should not be modifying (creating a dangling modifier) and that it implies concurrent action with the main verb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Hanging on with her bare hands, the rope made her hands raw and red<\/em>. Wait, what? The rope is hanging on?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Leaving the room, she set her coffee mug in the sink. <\/em>Nope. Can\u2019t do both of those at the same time. <em>She set her coffee mug in the sink and left the room<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Except for the dangling modifier, these trigger words are not technically wrong, and they won\u2019t typically be changed by a copy editor or proofreader. These are issues addressed by a line editor or a substantive editor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If you cut unnecessary words and tighten the writing, your novel will be more likely to keep readers hooked. Make every word earn its place in your work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Related Posts:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.bookhoundediting.com\/index.php\/2024\/08\/01\/pacing-how-to-use-pacing-to-retain-readers\/\">How to Use Pacing to Retain Readers<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.bookhoundediting.com\/index.php\/2023\/09\/04\/dialogue-mechanics\/\">Fiction Dialogue Mechanics<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.bookhoundediting.com\/index.php\/2024\/07\/16\/writing-resources-for-fiction-authors\/\">Writing Resources for Fiction Authors<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Some words and phrases automatically trigger an editor to stop and evaluate their usefulness, and some simply scream, \u201cRemove me! Remove me!\u201d Cutting dead weight can be the difference between a book that engages readers and keeps them up late reading and a book that has an appealing premise but lacks staying power. Make every&hellip;&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.bookhoundediting.com\/index.php\/2023\/03\/12\/make-every-word-count-cut-dead-weight-from-your-novel\/\" rel=\"bookmark\">Read More &raquo;<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Make Every Word Count: Cut dead weight from your novel like a line editor<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":993,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"neve_meta_sidebar":"default","neve_meta_container":"default","neve_meta_enable_content_width":"off","neve_meta_content_width":70,"neve_meta_title_alignment":"","neve_meta_author_avatar":"","neve_post_elements_order":"","neve_meta_disable_header":"off","neve_meta_disable_footer":"off","neve_meta_disable_title":"off","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-992","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Make Every Word Count: Cut dead weight from your novel - Bookhound Editing<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Make Every Word Count. 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